What have I lost?

I'm saying this now because I feel like I've lost a lot recently.

... a friend.
... the mind battle against a particularly difficult test.
... the luxury of thinking fewer and simpler thoughts
... and turn off recurring ones.
... the freedom of reading for hours each summer day.
... time.
... a memento of my grandmother.
... interest in watching the telly.
... quite a few opportunities to create art.
... memories.
... files that I downloaded from Blackboard which have somehow disappeared from the folders in which I saved them.
... the sort of need to get married. (Haha. I don't think my spiritual mother approves of my jokes about celibacy... But really, it wouldn't be so bad!)
... joy in things of this world that surpass the joy experienced with Jesus
... the ability to stop eating all this White Rabbit creamy candy.
... trust.
... respect.
... security.
... homes. So many homes.
... the pride and privilege of having a Chinese citizenship.
... the fear of losing things.

Two points.
1. By losing these things, beautiful things have happened. With some bittersweet, some madly difficult, but a lot of beautiful.
2. I'm learning that things were never mine to own in the first place. Truly, I have the same before and now, in Him.
This is freeing.

Listening now: Lead Me To The Cross - Hillsong Live, Samson - Regina Spektor, Beginners Theme Suite - Beginners Soundtrack

Bertrand Russell

Shoot! Bertrand Russell died in 1970.

I wanted to debate him. He wrote “Why I Am Not a Christian,” which is sometimes available as a pdf on DC++.

It’s very unconvincing.

---

Russell delivered this lecture on March 6, 1927 to the National Secular Society, South London Branch, at Battersea Town Hall. Published in pamphlet form in that same year, the essay subsequently achieved new fame with Paul Edwards’ edition of Russell’s book, Why I Am Not a Christian and Other Essays … (1957).

Tejal and Kejing's to-do list

1. Cornell Plantations. There is a giant bell?
2. go down to the gorges, wherever that is (1/2)
3. tunnel between Olin and Uris
4. Farmer's Market
5. go sailing if possible. Find out if possible.
6. state park
7. BoatYard Grill (1/2)
8. go on a date
9. see Denice Cassaro (1/2)
10. go sake bombing at Miyake
11. go up to the clocktower
12. Fuertes Observatory (1/2)
13. bomb a prelim
14. corn nuggets at The Nines
15. attend an opening at the Johnson Museum of Art
16. see something at the Schwartz Center (1/2)
17. go to the Law School Library, Reading Room
18. eat at Banfi's
19. trivia night
20. walk to the Commons and back
21. Cornell Cinema (1/2)
22. Holi on the arts quad

A Goal in Life

Conventionally, the media portrays the path to happiness as the American Dream, an ideal that touts wealth and material as the means to satisfaction. But since research has proven that happiness has no correlation with wealth in the absence of serious financial burden, this Dream is not the answer to finding happiness.
Similarly, our environment insists that love is a product of  romance. These experiences are often most possible among people who are not too wrinkly, and people who are not "stuck" with just one other person. But for example, we often hear that a stable marriage is the way to go. (I agree.) For the many years when two people are married, proportionately little of their time together would be "passionate," but an enormous amount of time would be "friendly." They are best friends. So maybe conventional wisdom and hopes are not accurate for our lives. They most certainly are not accurate for mine.

Revert to the year 2000, when the world was ostensibly simple. Ask me what I want to be when I grow up. I'd say, just to be happy.
I let this change. It was not a matter of questioning the semantics of happiness, or a sign that I'd settle with depression. Happiness was not my ultimate goal.
But love - for God, my family, friends, everyone - is unquestionably most important to me. Like happiness, it can grow in response to hardship, and can exist in countless forms. And with age, we get to explore their depth. Their similarities are numerous, and their differences reveal the importance of love. I will describe some of their most obvious similarities in order to introduce the reason for my ultimate goal.

More on love...
Despite the notions that true happiness and love cannot be found the mainstream way, many of us are always looking for better possessions and more passion.
But this is not enough. Our worldly ventures are not fulfilling, lasting, or permanent.
Love exists on any level of happiness. Love can be both joyful and painful, one-sided or mutual.
Jesus said that the most important of the commandments is to love God, and the next important was to love your neighbors (Matthew 23:37-40). He is the most fulfilling, lasting and permanent love, and one-sided because He always loves us more.

Another fun story from the Internet.

Me: God, can I ask You a question?
God: Sure
Me: Promise You won't get mad ... ... ... ...
God: I promise
Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?
God: What do u mean?
Me: Well, I woke up late
God: Yes
Me: My car took forever to start
 God: Okay
 Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait
 God: Huummm
 Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call
God: All right
 Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?
 God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that
 Me (humbled): OH GOD
God: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.
 Me: (ashamed) God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.
 Me (embarrassed):Okay
 God: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.
 Me (softly): I see God
 God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.
 Me: I'm Sorry God
 God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad. Me: I will trust You.
 God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.
 Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today. God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children...

July 7, 2005

Today, I found something my brother wrote a bit over a month before he turned 6.
   [front] Kevin's wash list. I wash a Lego. I wash a Bionicle. I wash a flower. I wash a hot weele
   [back] I wash a Llnle [journal]. Kevin
Soon afterwards he learned how to spell "wish."
I am glad to know that these days, he is satisfied with what he already has.

Also... Recently I typed "twi" in the Chrome omnibar, in attempt to visit Twitter.com, only to press Enter as if on auto-pilot. This is how I found the "Twilight Addict Support Group (Twi Anon)" on Facebook.

Thank Goodness for Recycling

Today, I looked through a ton of high school papers and ended up with a heavy pile of recyclable material. Throughout college, I became further and further from materialistic. This is made easier since my room has always been rather empty. I have never really accumulated much. Still, I have little need for over 90% of the objects I own.
When I was small, I started a sticker collection, a coin collection, and a small eraser collection. I logged a couple hundred hours on some Pokémon games, including Crystal and Sapphire Version. My middle school friends went to some sort of anniversary event in Chicago and brought me back a special Celebi and Dragonite. After my little brother secretly overwrote the game to play on his own, I was so frustrated.
My jewelry was treasure: pearls, silver and gold.
When I received certificates, report cards and standardized test scores from school, I often saved them. If my name appeared on an orchestra or recital program, the program was worth keeping. If an object was of no significance to other people but affirmed my successes, I wanted to keep the paper in order to look back on it later, because it was worth the space.
What is a paper that says you did something well, or a particularly delicate necklace? What is a few pixels that mean something in a made-up world, or a perfect transcript? These things should be appreciated for all their value, whether accompanying a quiet nostalgic afternoon or encouraging further learning. They are a part of a lovely time and place of the past.
But it feels good to move on.

A Two Decades' Brief Checklist

Through preparation, experience and reflection, life is incredibly more multidimensional than these points can portray. But these goals lightly reflect my priorities and dreams for the future. They vary from absolutely important to barely of importance at all. Some are reminders for preservation rather than demands for growth or achievement.

1. Become more sure that Jesus died on the cross for us (and assurance of salvation)
2. Always be a role model for my brother
3. Take care of my parents whenever they need me
4. Pray for my family to know of God's love
5. Help teach school in the countryside of Susong
6. Be cheerful
7. Learn the Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody, Rachmaninoff's Prelude Op. 23 No. 5, the rest of Chopin's Ballades
8. Buy a grand piano, a paper cutter, camcorder
9. and a Highlander for my father
10. Finish my movie
11. Write a lot of letters to people
12. Finish reading the Bible, The Pilgrim's Progress, all of C.S. Lewis's books, and much more
13. Spend a lot of time away from technology
14. Consistently count past 5 correctly
15. Sleep more than 8 hours a night
16. Hopefully get married. Hopefully have two children.
17. Find even more hipster music to enjoy
18. Go to a Killers concert
19. Understand the scope of my father's knowledge about physics and superconductors
20. Pray for my family and friends
21. Learn to cook from my mother... no recipes
22. Always put myself last
23. Keep writing in my journal
24. Become a civil engineer
25. Write a song
26. Do missions in East Asia
27. Learn more about disaster relief and mitigation
28. Love every person, with Jesus as my role model

What are you going to be for Halloween?

Peter: ugh studying preregistering not fun
Charles: i dont do halloweenzies
Emily: stuff
June: hm i think i will be a nazi zombie
Parker: I am unsure, but I have all the supplies to be a hobo (He bought a shopping cart at a thrift store for $3.50.)

I love you.

The love for equals is a human thing--of friend for friend, brother for brother. It is to love what is loving and lovely. The world smiles. The love for the less fortunate is a beautiful thing--the love for those who suffer, for those who are poor, the sick, the failures, the unlovely. This is compassion, and it touches the heart of the world. The love for the more fortunate is a rare thing--to love those who succeed where we fail, to rejoice without envy with those who rejoice, the love of the poor for the rich, of the black man for the white man. The world is always bewildered by its saints. And then there is the love for the enemy--love for the one who does not love you but mocks, threatens, and inflicts pain. The tortured's love for the torturer. This is God's love. It conquers the world. ― Frederick Buechner